This message is aimed squarely at anyone who’s going through a hard time right now. Normally for my Thanksgiving article, I like to talk about what I’m thankful for. This time is a little different.

Back to Square One

Six months ago, I was laid off from a job I had held for 15 years. Many miracles have happened to see me through this difficult period, which I’m grateful for. However, I recently suffered a number of setbacks in my job search. Right now I feel no closer to landing a new job than I did when I first started in May. I’m back at square one.

Others I know have been able to bounce back from a job loss in a much shorter amount of time than me. I admire their confidence and courage. I’m not like them, though. Perhaps there’s something I lack in my heart. It’s hard to tell because I can’t see into anyone else’s heart. All I know is my own weaknesses and shortcomings. I’m a square one. There are hard edges to me that I’ve tried to smooth over the years and make them less jagged and sharp.

Squaring Off

When I say I’m square, I realize that’s not a very modern way of expressing such a feeling. Which makes it all the more appropriate. I feel like a man out of time. I love living in this age when I can share my work online, but I’m not eager to jump onto the social-media bandwagon. I even worry about relying on AI too much for a myriad of reasons.

If I don’t pay for a product, I wonder about the motive behind offering it to me. When I enter a query into an LLM, I worry about what it’s learning from me and what it’s teaching me. It’s learning about my interests, concerns, and hopes. That data might make me easier to sell products to. The things it shares could be out of line with my principles, and they could teach me to become lazy by not putting forth any effort for things I could previously do by myself.

I don’t mean to square off against the whole world. I know that there are advantages to using AI, such as speeding up tedious tasks, performing research in seconds, and generating ideas to build upon. I just prefer a little caution when it comes to upending my way of doing things.

Square Peg in a Round Hole

What does the world need with a writer in an environment where talk is cheap? It seems like skillful writing is no longer as desirable as it used to be. When I look for a job and get rejected or ignored, I begin to feel like I’m trying to push a square peg in a round hole. “Am I truly unfit for any role I apply for?” I wonder.

I was recently in the running for five positions, but they all fell through for one reason or another. Now I’m down to nothing. That’s why I said I’m back at square one. I don’t mean to complain. I’ve seen too many miracles sustaining me in the past six months to do anything but be patient. When I’m meant to obtain a job, I will. I just want to smooth off my rough edges so I can fit the mold that’s right for me.

Squaring My Shoulders

I won’t give up. Instead of shrinking from this fight, I will square my shoulders and do my absolute best to find a job and then put my whole heart into it. If you’re going through a tough time right now, I hope you will take courage as well. We’ll all make it through this. One day I hope to be able to look anyone square in the eye and tell them I did my best in life. No matter what shape I’m in.

This is the Deja Reviewer wishing you a happy Thanksgiving.

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