This is probably a no-duh statement, but I think it’s easy to criticize and think we’re better than other people. It’s harder to be kind, thoughtful, and forgiving of others’ weaknesses.

I recently had an experience I’d like to share where I let my emotions get away from me. It doesn’t exactly paint a flattering picture of me, but I’ll be honest to hopefully explain why I want to be kinder.

My Recent Experience

I was asked for written feedback from someone I know personally who I didn’t think had done a good job. So I let him know by filling out the survey he had sent me. He was obviously hurt by my words, and I found out through a third party that he was offended by what I had said. I went to him directly and apologized.

I tend to do that a lot. I make mistakes and then ask forgiveness and promise to do better. At least I don’t usually make the same mistakes too many times before learning my lesson. I was able to be reconciled with the gentleman I offended, but I worry I may have left a painful scar by my thoughtless action.

Honest Abe

I recently learned that Abraham Lincoln criticized lots of people in his youth. But in 1842, someone he had spoken harsh words to took umbrage and demanded a duel with Lincoln to restore his honor. Thankfully, no one died, and they were able to sort out their differences humbly.

I hope I’m on a similar path as Lincoln, sans the duel. I now realize that being critical of others is not the way to change their minds or accomplish anything terribly productive. I want kindness to flow from me rather than bitterness. I would still like to help people and be honest, but in a manner that takes their feelings into account.

The only way to get someone to change for the better is to inspire them to want to change. And making them feel like they’re a bad person won’t do that at all. Criticism is often funny and cathartic for one party. But it’s not the best, or necessarily even effective, way to make something happen.

Groundhog Day Again

I’ve talked about Groundhog Day quite a few times in the past several weeks. I hope I’m not beating a dead horse. I simply can’t help relating things back to it because it’s so applicable.

Having said that, let’s look at Phil Connors in Groundhog Day. At the start of the film, he loved to laugh at people and make jokes at their expense. However, he was absolutely miserable as a result of his snarky attitude.

When he gained the godlike power to repeat the same day over and over again, he had a lot of fun taking advantage of other people. And he’s still just as miserable as he ever was. By the end of the film, though, he becomes the most beloved man in town. How? By focusing on others and learning what they need to be happy.

He helps several women with a flat tire, a young boy falling from a tree, a man choking to death, and plenty more. He barely asks for any sign of gratitude from them, instead rushing from one service opportunity to the next. And everyone remembers him fondly for it.

Phil may have had superficial fun thinking only of himself, but the only way to break the spell and get out of his time loop was to forget himself and find out how much good he could do in the small town he used to hate. He finally found peace and became happy with himself when he spent the day serving others.

Positive Changes

Everyone has things that they really want. Often, the way to get what we want is to help others get what they want. Whether it’s getting a good job, making a new friend, or succeeding in other aspects of life. I’d like to try to be more helpful and constructive to others, rather than pointing out their flaws in a mean way.

Whenever I am tempted to write or say something biting, I want to immediately stop and consider the consequences. It would be a lot more helpful if I could hold my sharp tongue and contribute something positive yet honest.

This article has taken a couple of crazy turns, bouncing from Abraham Lincoln to Phil Connors. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I want to be better, and I don’t want to be alone in that endeavor. I want to uplift others at the same time as I move beyond my old ways. So my way to improve is inextricably tied to the way I treat others.

I’ve been changing for the better in many ways this year, and I hope to continue on this trajectory.

This is the Deja Reviewer bidding you farewell until we meet again.

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