I’m not proud of the article I wrote last week. My heart wasn’t in it, but I didn’t know how to refuse to write it. An amazing reader of mine named Jay had sent me a complete summary of how The Big Lebowski worked as a chiasmus months ago. He had also done that with three other films, too. I wanted to finally finish writing those articles, despite the challenge of doing that.

No-Win Scenario

Once I finished writing the three previous articles, I sent them to Jay to review. I was pleased with them, and it was gratifying to receive his thumbs-up on them. However, I didn’t want to send him my final article because I was ashamed of it. I admit I wasn’t in the best spirits, and I feared that he would be angry with me for not respecting a film he clearly loves.

So I published it last Tuesday, and I dreaded what he would say to me. I didn’t have to wait long to receive an email from him. To my surprise, he wasn’t angry at all. In fact, he was positively gracious and empathetic! Jay is a much better man than me. To master one’s emotions and react magnanimously when someone disagrees is a sign of great maturity and deep self-control.

He has that in spades.

In Jay’s email, he commiserated with me and let me know it’s okay to struggle as I did with that film. He even said he wouldn’t be angry if I ever had to tell him I’m unable to write an article he suggests. That was music to my ears. I didn’t want to let him down by not writing the article, but I also felt like I could only let him down by writing it without wanting to. It felt like a no-win scenario.

Third Option

Thankfully, there is a third option I hadn’t considered. Just humbly admit my limits. I’ve watched plenty of movies with violence and obscene language. For some reason, The Big Lebowski was too much for me. I don’t know exactly what the difference is between it and everything else I’ve enjoyed in the past. That’s part of what frustrates me. I can’t put it neatly into words, and I’m a writer, for heaven’s sake! That’s my job.

But I don’t want to dwell on that anyway. What I want to say is that Jay is incredible. He gave me permission to feel the way I do, and he also encouraged me to put myself in others’ shoes and not always remain in my bubble. He’s absolutely right. I’ve had a wonderful life. In fact, I’ve been thinking of writing an article along these lines about my inability to give sound financial advice because I don’t know what it’s like to be both desperate and hopeless.

Nothing to Fear

I was afraid of what Jay would say, and yet he showed me I had nothing to fear. Such an amazing man. I can’t begin to express all the gratitude I feel toward him for treating me kindly when I thought I deserved no such kindness. Thank you, Jay. My heart swells with joy because of you. I will strive to do better and be better, thanks to your perfect example of goodness.

Your mercy has not been wasted on me. I will strive to pass it along to others who need it in my daily life.

This is the Deja Reviewer bidding you farewell until we meet again.

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