The Man with the Golden Pun: Funny Descriptions of All 6 James Bonds

Who doesn’t love James Bond? Long before Jason Bourne shot onto the scene, Bond was charming audiences with his unique combination of sophistication and brutal efficiency. No two actors who played Bond are exactly the same, which is why I’ve decided to define each Bond in a silly yet appropriate way.

In a major departure from my usual writing style where I go into great depth on a topic, I’m going to simply describe each Bond and then give a short explanation, so there’s no confusion about what I mean.

Auto Bond: Sean Connery

Sean Connery embodies James Bond in a way no other actor has duplicated.The first to drive an Aston Martin (the series’ signature vehicle), Sean Connery is the actor that most people associate with the character of James Bond. It’s an automatic response because his performances were so iconic. Plus, his films all move at their own pace and have a much more variable speed than other films in the series. We could enjoy more than an hour of building suspense, like in From Russia with Love, and only get a few scenes of explosive payoff and still find it more exciting than most big-budget action movies today.

The Bond of Matrimony: George Lazenby

George Lazenby portrayed a sensitive James Bond who actually gets married.The producers took quite a risk in following up Connery’s legendary performances in the series by casting an actor with no experience and having him play a sensitive Bond who actually gets married. On Her Majesty’s Secret Service is an exceptional film, but it’s the only time we ever see George Lazenby in the role, for better or worse.

Bond Voyage: Roger Moore

Roger Moore’s films charted a new course from the mostly serious ‘60s films. He had a few serious ones here and there, but for the most part his films are known for their comedy and lack of realism.

One-man Bond: Timothy Dalton

Timothy Dalton brought a sense of deadly seriousness back to the role of James Bond.Bond got back to his roots with Timothy Dalton. In both of his films, he gets cut off from outside help and has to resolve complicated international politics using only his wits and a few helpful gadgets from Q Branch.

Beyond, James Beyond: Pierce Brosnan

Pierce Brosnan launched the series into the modern era and kept propelling it to new territory from there. By the time he was trying to outrun a laser being shot from a satellite, in a scene mirroring one from Akira and Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker, you know things had gotten a little beyond his control.

Retconned Bond: Daniel Craig

Daniel Craig's James Bond gives us more history to the characters.James Bond finally got a backstory with Daniel Craig’s films. M is now a woman from the start, Bond grew up in Scotland, and Q is a child prodigy. Other than that, it’s still the same old Bond doing what he does best.

What do you think of my tongue-in-cheek descriptions of each Bond? If you can think of even more clever ones, I’d love to hear them.

This is the Deja Reviewer bidding you farewell until we meet again.

All images are the copyright of their respective owners.

About Robert Lockard, the Deja Reviewer

Robert Lockard has been a lover of writing since he was very young. He studied public relations in college, graduating with a Bachelor’s degree in 2006. His skills and knowledge have helped him to become a sought-after copywriter in the business world. He has written blogs, articles, and Web content on subjects such as real estate, online marketing and inventory management. His talent for making even boring topics interesting to read about has come in handy. But what he really loves to write about is movies. His favorite movies include: Fiddler on the Roof, Superman: The Movie, Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, Back to the Future, Beauty and the Beast, The Fugitive, The Incredibles, and The Dark Knight. Check out his website: Deja Reviewer. Robert lives in Utah with his wife and four children. He loves running, biking, reading, and watching movies with his family.
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3 Responses to The Man with the Golden Pun: Funny Descriptions of All 6 James Bonds

  1. vinnieh says:

    Great post, keep up the excellent work.


  2. Pingback: Movie Matchups: Chitty Chitty Bang Bang vs. Santa Claus Conquers the Martians | Deja Reviewer

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