“I’m trying” is a deceptively simple statement because, in spite of its brevity, it can have two meanings. The most obvious one is that I’m attempting to do something difficult. The other one is that I’m taxing someone’s patience.

In The Empire Strikes Back, the wise Yoda’s patience was certainly tested when his student Luke Skywalker unenthusiastically said “I’ll try” about using the Force to lift his X-wing out of a swamp. Yoda responded, “No! Try not. Do or do not. There is no try.” Luke proceeded to fail in his attempt and then learn a valuable lesson about the power of belief. He tells Yoda, “I don’t believe it.” And Yoda sadly explains, “That is why you fail.”

If we don’t believe something, we can never see it come to fruition. That applies to many things. Getting a job, giving a speech, taking a test, raising good children, overcoming an addiction, and finishing a race all come to mind.

The First Way I’m Trying

The biggest thing that’s been on my mind these past six months has been my desire to obtain a job. I have made many efforts in this endeavor, which is helping me to grow and get out of my comfort zone. That’s what hard times do to us if we’re patient. We try new things and gain valuable insights into what makes us tick.

This isn’t the first time I’ve had to seek a job. To paraphrase a wise man’s words, I’ve endured many things and hope to be able to endure all things. This won’t be the last challenge I’ll face in life, and I want to be able to handle them better in the future. And I think I know how.

As we approach the celebration of our Savior’s birth on Christmas Day, I am reminded of a song I learned as a child: “I’m Trying to Be Like Jesus.” I remember singing the words, “I’m trying to be like Jesus; I’m following in his ways. I’m trying to love as he did, in all that I do and say.”

What a perfect summation of how I try to live my life in a higher, holier way. Perfect love casteth out all fear, as Jesus Christ taught. If I can approach His level of love for my fellowmen, perhaps I, too, can dispel any lingering fear I have about getting a job and providing for my family. It’s worth a try.

The Second Way I’m Trying

I’m pretty sure that losing my job in May wasn’t a random accident, nor was it designed to simply force me to get a new job. I think I’m supposed to learn something more from this experience. I fear that a touch of pride or condescension had creeped into my heart before this happened.

For 15 years, I worked at the same job. By the end, I had outlasted quite a few people who I knew were equally skilled, if not more so. It’s easy to begin to feel untouchable when you’ve dodged so many bullets. But when one bullet finally finds its mark and wounds you deeply, your entire perspective changes. You’re brought low and humbled to the dust. That’s certainly what happened to me.

I’m trying God’s patience with my weaknesses and pride. So this is my chance to humble myself before Him and allow weak things to become strong.

I admit I’m not perfect. I stutter, I sometimes lack confidence in my leadership abilities, and I fear being unable to measure up to Christ’s high standards. Nevertheless, I persist in imperfectly putting myself out there and trying to make the world a better place. With faith the size of a mustard seed, I speak in public and on this website, apply to jobs that require me to step up as a leader, and repent when I fall short of the commandments of God.

I Try and I Believe

Trying is a good word to describe me. I’m doing my best to improve myself, though it’s a painfully long process that would test even the best person’s patience. I’ll keep trying, in both senses of that word. I don’t mean to be trying, but I do intend to be better, despite messing up along the way.

Thank you to everyone who has been with me on this journey. I hope I’ve been able to provide you with plenty of interesting things to read over the past 14 years. This is the first time since I created this website that I’ve been out of work. It’s definitely a new experience to share. I’ll try to make the most of it. And I believe this coming year will contain amazing miracles as a result.

This is the Deja Reviewer bidding you farewell until we meet again.

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