Battle of the Message Movies: Mr. Holland’s Opus vs. Forrest Gump

I’d like to drastically switch gears in this article. Last week I had a lot of fun joking about Roland Emmerich, but in honor of the Fourth of July holiday, I would like to talk about America. Specifically about Hollywood’s take on American history.

In 1994, Forrest Gump became the year’s sleeper smash, out-grossing every other film, including The Lion King. What was the film’s secret? It struck a chord with millions of Baby Boomers because it both lionized and poked fun at their legacy. Wouldn’t you know it, the following year Hollywood tried to recreate Forrest Gump’s runaway success by producing the film Mr. Holland’s Opus.

At first glance, these two films might seem like they have nothing in common except that they take place in roughly the same era. But I’ll show you that they actually have quite a bit in common. Not enough for a full Movie Matchup, but enough to make a solid Battle of the Message Movies. So let’s begin. Continue reading

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Joke of the Week: Spider-Man

If Peter Parker’s Aunt May got bitten by a radioactive spider, what would she become?

The answer is… Continue reading

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Universal Soldier Is an Unwatchable Travesty (and 5 Other Reasons I Love Roland Emmerich)

Oh, Roland Emmerich. The much-maligned writer/director is so much better than his critics give him credit for. His successful career should give aspiring filmmakers hope that anyone can make it big in Hollywood. Seriously, the man tries so hard to create great entertainment, and he usually succeeds, but there’s never any subtext or deep meaning behind his movies. What you see is what you get, and that’s actually kind of refreshing.

As you can tell from the title of this article, I’m going to give a bit of a back-handed compliment to Emmerich. If you’re at all familiar with his filmography, you’re in for a treat. So sit back and enjoy some chuckles as we explore all the things that are profoundly wrong (and right) with Roland Emmerich.  Continue reading

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Joke of the Week: Mind Reader

What did the mind reader say to start the bidding on a bag of French fries?

The answer is… Continue reading

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Movie Matchups: Aliens (1986) vs. Alien (1979)

Poor James Cameron. He is a brilliant filmmaker, but he has only come up with a couple of original ideas. Take a look at his filmography: Terminator was allegedly inspired by a story by Harlan Ellison. Terminator 2 is just a copy of the first Terminator, albeit a much better version. True Lies is a remake of the French film La Totale. Titanic has the same story as Somewhere in Time. And do I even need to mention that Avatar is a blatant ripoff of every environmentalist movie ever made? The Abyss is the only original story I can think of that came from James Cameron’s imagination.

None of this is necessarily a bad thing. Cameron is great at turning other people’s stories into something spectacular. He adds little details and heart-pounding action sequences that pay homage to, and up the ante of, the preceding film. Case in point, Aliens. The sequel to 1979’s groundbreaking science-fiction horror film Alien, Aliens follows the same plotline, but it somehow turns into something with a completely different look and feel than the first film.

So let’s go where no one can hear you scream, and see how Aliens and Alien are hatched from the same egg. Continue reading

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Joke of the Week: Choir

When two Choir Directors were dividing up a dozen Tenors by number, why did one Director think the other was being way too greedy at the outset?

The answer is… Continue reading

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Pleasant Surprises: The Parent Trap (1998)

This is the second film I’ve reviewed in the Pleasant Surprises section, and it also happens to be the second film with a date in the title, the first being Star Trek (2009). I’ll try not to make a habit of that with every film in this section. I am so excited to talk about The Parent Trap (1998). I briefly mentioned it in my list of 10 Remakes That Are Better Than the Original Films, and I’m going to go into much more depth here.

So let’s get moving on the double and talk about this exceptional film. Continue reading

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Joke of the Week: Bully

When is a bully’s favorite time to wait?

The answer is… Continue reading

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Movie Matchups: 2010 vs. Star Trek III: The Search for Spock

Remember my Movie Matchup of Star Trek: The Motion Picture and 2001: A Space Odyssey? I’m not done with either of those series yet because it turns out that the sequels to those two films are just as identical as their predecessors. What are the odds? 2010 and Star Trek III: The Search for Spock came out in theaters in 1984, and they both involve planet-wide destruction, hijacking spacecraft, the dead returning to life, and many other plot points and themes in common.

Of course, The Search for Spock isn’t a direct sequel to The Motion Picture, the same way that 2010 is of 2001. But it is a direct sequel to Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan. It’s continuing the story of another film in the same franchise, so that’s close enough. So let’s not waste any time exploring these two sci-fi epics. Continue reading

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Joke of the Week: Cows

What do you call a mythical milk company that’s located next to a cliff?

The answer is…

Ledge ‘n Dairy!

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