Movie Matchups: Braveheart vs. The Conqueror

Some friends of mine recently discovered a forgotten 1956 John Wayne film entitled The Conqueror. Since we all have great respect for that classic Western actor, we decided to watch that movie and see why it’s been lost for all these years. I thoroughly enjoyed it, even though I found the plot incomprehensible, the characters dim-witted, the action silly, and some parts rather racist and misogynistic. The film comes across as a textbook example of unintentional comedy.

This movie was filmed in southern Utah, just like pretty much every other John Wayne movie, and all the action sequences feel like typical Cowboy-and-Indian fights. So there’s nothing in those areas that makes this movie better or worse than any other John Wayne movie. The biggest difference is who he is portraying. In The Conqueror, true-blue, all-American John Wayne is playing Genghis Khan. I’m dead serious. Depending on your point of view, this could either be extremely offensive or unbelievably hilarious. I’m in the latter camp, so I had a ball watching John Wayne play himself, not even trying to change his mannerisms or speech pattern to sound remotely like a Mongolian warlord.

This movie has to be seen to be believed. In fact, here’s a link to watch The Conqueror on YouTube. Do yourself a favor and watch it right after you finish reading this review. Or watch it first if you care about spoilers because I’m about to describe all the similarities between The Conqueror and a truly great film: 1995’s Braveheart. These movies aren’t exactly the same, like some other films I’ve compared, but they have a lot of interesting things in common that are worth noting.

So let’s unsheathe our swords and give a battle cry as we charge into this Movie Matchup of The Conqueror and Braveheart! Continue reading

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Why I’m Glad to Be a Dad

My wife and I recently welcomed our third child into the world. I couldn’t be happier to be blessed with such a healthy, handsome little boy. Being a father for the past few years has taught me so much about life and joy that I would like to take a moment this Thanksgiving to share four reasons why I’m glad to be a dad. Continue reading

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Why True Freedom Can’t Be Found in Either U.S. Political Party

I don’t like to get political on this website. I generally shy away from these discussions because I just want to have fun talking about movies. But the recent presidential election stirred powerful feelings in my heart, and they soon cemented into challenging ideas about the nature of freedom. I have come to the conclusion that the reason why things never seem to change for the better in Washington, D.C., no matter which political party is in power, is because both have inherently flawed views of the nature of government and its role in preserving freedom.

I’ll try to explain what I mean below. Please join me on this probing look into why true freedom can’t be found in America today and how it can be discovered again. Continue reading

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Announcement: No More Joke of the Week

I have an announcement. In light of the U.S. presidential election going on today, my announcement is quite small. But it is nevertheless a big step for me, as well as for the Deja Reviewer website. Effective immediately, I am discontinuing my Joke of the Week section. I’ve had a lot of fun coming up with jokes and publishing them each week, but it’s time to take it to the next phase: I’m going to try to publish a book with 365 of my jokes – one for every day of the year.

Two years ago I started coming up with jokes for the amusement of myself and my friends. Over time I kept coming up with more and more jokes, and they kept getting better. I got to 200 a few months ago, and I thought that was an impressive feat. And then October 2012 happened. My creativity went through the roof. I was thinking of multiple jokes every day, sometimes 10 in a single day. When the dust settled, I had come up with more than 120 jokes in October, putting me well over my goal of 365.

I spent this past week going through all of my jokes and putting them in order on the calendar. That was a huge job, but I managed to finish it, and now I’m going to start the process of refining them further with the help of friends and family members until they’re ready to be submitted to publishers.

I hope you’ve enjoyed my jokes each week. I published 72 of them since creating this website last year, so there are plenty to go around. I hope that I’ll be able to share all of my jokes with you in hardcover and electronic book format in the near-future. Exciting things are coming. This won’t affect my regular articles. You can continue to come back to get my unique perspective on films every week.

This is the Deja Reviewer bidding you farewell until we meet again.

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Joke of the Week: Election

Which actress endorsed a politician who was trying to get Detroit union members to vote for him?

The answer is… Continue reading

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Forgotten Film Gems: Arsenic and Old Lace

Frank Capra was sometimes criticized for creating films labeled as sappy. Mr. Smith Goes to Washington and It’s a Wonderful Life are prime examples of films that are superbly crafted while also dripping with sentimentality. Today I’m going to talk about one of Capra’s lesser-known films that is nothing like his others: 1944’s Arsenic and Old Lace.

Everything and everyone in this witty comedy is drenched in irony. A confirmed bachelor is getting married, his two sweet aunts are serial killers, and his serial-killer brother had plastic surgery to look like a famous actor even though he wants to keep a low profile. All of this is a perfect setup for whacky hijinks, and the film takes advantage of it completely.

So let’s brew up some trouble as we indulge in what makes Arsenic and Old Lace a forgotten film gem. Continue reading

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Joke of the Week: Candidates

What happened when a lady tapped on the shoulder of a man she thought she knew and said, “Paul, who are you voting for?”

The answer is… Continue reading

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8 Movies I Deeply Regret Watching

There are some movies I will never watch, such as Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. That’s because I have learned a painful lesson: Some movies just aren’t worth it. If I strongly suspect a film of being terrible, I won’t waste my time on it. I don’t care to have truly horrific films burned into my memory forever.

Unfortunately, I didn’t always use my better judgment when deciding which films to see. When I was a young adult and I discovered the magical power of my local library system, I checked out dozens of films for free just because I could. Many of them turned out to be serious mistakes.

I’d like to get these regrets off my chest by sharing them with the whole world. Please don’t look up any of these films, especially the ones you’ve never heard of. Hopefully I can spare you the trouble of watching them by describing how utterly worthless they truly are. These movies are bad for many reasons. I love Mystery Science Theater 3000, and so it takes a lot for a movie to really unnerve me or make me wish I had never seen it.

I’m going to hold myself to just eight because writing about the other two would definitely go way past my tolerance level of awfulness. So prepare yourself for eight movies I deeply regret watching. Continue reading

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Joke of the Week: George Washington

Why was George Washington so concerned about everything he did in office?

The answer is… Continue reading

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Movie Matchups: The Dark Knight vs. Seven

I wonder if Morgan Freeman had déjà vu when he first read the script to The Dark Knight. In this film, an unidentifiable psychopath is going around killing people to teach twisted lessons about morality. He leaves clues for the police to follow, and he eventually turns himself in and demands the hero kill him. All of this probably sounded really familiar to Freeman because 13 years before he had starred in another film called Seven that used all of those elements and ended in almost the exact same way.

I’ve already compared Batman Begins to Sherlock Holmes and The Dark Knight Rises to Toy Story 3, so why not finish off Christopher Nolan’s Dark Knight Trilogy with one more comparison? I don’t mean to take anything away from his series by making these comparisons. Nolan pulled off an incredible feat by making these three amazing films and, in the process, gave us one of the best trilogies of all time, right up there with the original Star Wars films.

So let’s carefully dive into the mind of a psychopath and hopefully emerge on the other side unscathed as we examine The Dark Knight and Seven. Continue reading

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