My wife and I were watching It’s a Wonderful Life recently when we reached a scene where George and Mary Bailey share a tender moment. George has all kinds of thoughts in his head about personal ambitions he never achieved and his failure to give his wife luxuries and trips around the world.

As the scene progressed, my wife asked a profound question: “Why doesn’t anyone ask her what she wants?”

Happy Wife, Happy Life

The reason her question struck me is because I sometimes put myself in George Bailey’s shoes. I have no pretense of being rich. My idea of a vacation is a week off of work where I can go on walks all around the city I live in. I can’t afford to give my wife a life free of worry or struggle. And yet she is so happy, I don’t feel like a failure for not providing all of those things.

In It’s a Wonderful Life, George points out that Mary could have married anyone else in town, including young men who became incredibly rich. Instead, she married him. To his credit, he does ask her why. She points out that she didn’t want to marry anyone else in town, but she plays coy about the true reason why.

But that’s the critical thing we must understand. Her “why” is the secret behind the “happy wife, happy life” phrase.

Mary’s Secret

I won’t play coy. I’ll come right out and say exactly what her reason is: She’s happy. Content and patient, Mary doesn’t need everything right now. All she needs is to love George and be loved by him in return. That gives her enough strength to weather any storm of life.

What George didn’t realize (and what a lot of other good men seem to misunderstand) is that you don’t need to make your wife happy. You need to marry a woman who is determined to be happy under any circumstances.

A woman’s happiness comes from within. If she is miserable and always chasing happiness, she will end up like Violet Bick or all the depressing pleasure seekers we see today. It’s impossible to make your wife happy if she’s not already happy. She is either determined to be happy or determined to be miserable. Spending money and trying to buy happiness never works. It might lead to temporary bursts of pleasure, but reality eventually sets back in.

“Happy wife, happy life” takes on new meaning when we look at it from this point of view. A husband isn’t tasked with making a miserable woman happy. A man is tasked with finding a good woman who is capable of being happy and then building a wonderful life with her.

The Wife Whose Name Meant Life

One more interesting thing I’d like to point out is that the first woman, Eve, set an important precedent. Adam named Eve because she is the mother of all living. My wife told me that, in one translation, Eve means life.

Isn’t that intriguing? I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the first wife had a name that meant life. Happy wife, happy life? In this case it’s happy Eve, happy Eve. As she said in Moses 5:11, “Were it not for our transgression we never should have had seed, and never should have known good and evil, and the joy of our redemption, and the eternal life which God giveth unto all the obedient.”

Even though she and Adam fell by partaking of the Forbidden Fruit, their sacrifice was worth it so that they could experience joy. And all of their children can, too.

Marry a woman who will be happy with you through all the ups and downs of life, and then “happy wife, happy life” will be a support to you rather than a drain.

This is the Deja Reviewer bidding you farewell until we meet again.

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